I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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