Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
well, you know. whores of a feather.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
