its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
