Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
