I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
