i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
