You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
