Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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