why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my shit smells like andre
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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