Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize