He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
