her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
