This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
