he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
