Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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