Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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