we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
