loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
