Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
