I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
