I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
