Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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