first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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