It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
