I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
