Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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