3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
