Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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