I cockslap morals
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
