We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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