We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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