Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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