I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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