Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
