I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
