While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
