that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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