I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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