Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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