My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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