i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
