I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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