Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
