I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
