Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize