its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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