i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
