I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
