connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
