walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
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He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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