The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
