we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
