So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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