im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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