She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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