walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
