finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
