Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
