Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
