Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
