remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Maybe he injected his testicle?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
