Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
