I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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