I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
