i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
