I think scott just propositioned me for sex
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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