the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
